The So called "Break-Up"

How do I begin this post...***gasp*** ("I need to breath")Ok...after how many months of battling from trials my so called "relationship" finally comes to end...hahahay...I though we can surpass the obstacles we're facing in our relationship.I keep on praying and hoping that one day this trials will be over, but I guess my prayer didn't answer especially if your the only one making an effort to work it out.I didn't say that he doesn't make an effort to make our relationship work, actually we both struggle to make it work ("really struggle") but most of the effort comes from me. For me I don't care I love him and I want to gave my all, well now I realized that love isn't the key to make the relationship last. I love him too much maybe because of that he choose to leave, I don't know what's real reason all I know is there's a third party involve not at my part but him. I have my own faults too I become too possessive and insensitive in some area. Actually I can say that "I really hate him so much, because of that", but honestly if I listen to my heart I don't feel any grudge towards him although I keep on crying every night, thinking all about the memories. I really can't explain my side now I know I'm in pain and I felt I'm wasted, but at the back of every tear for me he's still a good person I really don't know, maybe I'm just stupid to believe that. And one thing it's very weird I know I am weird but this thing keep on lingering in my thoughts that I'm hoping that one day he will be back and everything will be fine!("thats stupid!hate it..."). But I don't want my hopes up cause I already did that but unfortunately it doesn't work, I promised to myself not to tolerate my stupidity ("I hope so"). I really hate memories that thing haunt me over and over again, I'm the type of person that can remember almost anything whether it's a happy memories or a sad one.Hahay I really miss him...I missed the way he smile, hes crazy jokes("i remember the day he's wearing he's taliban outfit...that's really funny he really look like one of the abbu sayyaf member...and one thing he ate a popsicle, knowing that it's so cold in he's place it's snowing he said he did that to feel that he's in the tropical country...he's really crazy")..I missed he's voice when he talk and when he sings at me ("he's the only guy who sings at me")... I missed he's humor when we chat, I have to stop this it's very depressing...***sigh***..Oh well I'm almost ok right know...almost?hehehe, It's hard to move on, even we know it's just a simple two words...but by doing that you really have to struggle. Good thing I have my friend Jessa who keeps on comforting me over the net...("thanks girl..I really appreciate that.."), she's living in U.S now with her husband. I really don't know where to start to move on , even my boss told me to keep busy ("thanks Mark"). As off this moment I keep myself busy, I made another lay-outs for my upcoming blog. I know time will heals all the wound, I hope it will...Even though it was a short love story but I'm glad I meet him and I really don't know if I can love again the same way I love him, if he only knew how painful it is for me. I have to fake my smile to everyone just to came up strong and every night I'm subbing with tears...."i don't want to fall in love again"...arrrggg....

Realization:
*guys can be such ignorant, egotistic, and dense assholes. enough said.
*ldr -long distance relationship is not a healthy relationship, so don't try it.
*Don't love much cause love can weaken a relationship.
*Just trust a little don't give everything cause sometimes it's just a waste.

P.S : "I hope you will find your happiness and I hope she's the right girl that I've been praying for you from the day we meet and until now. I wish I am but I failed....well sorry for the things that I've said and I want you to know that I don't have any grudges for you even you really hurt me...ingats"