Now I know....

Yesterday I really felt restless I thought I have a fever coming. My friends keep on throwing jokes at me, but it seems that my mind and body don't want to cooperate so I ignore them..hahaha sorry guys. The other day while talking to mads Jo forwarded this message to me "Even though school monopolizes my daily life, I still try to find time to socialize. I feel pretty fortunate because of recent events. I truly feel I’ve encountered an amazing person. Although my relationship with this person may be unconventional at best, I have a good feeling about it all. Even though we’re faced with obstacles, I put faith in trust in her and this relationship & I know that somehow it’ll all work out. I love you. With that being said, I think I’ll end this entry." ....upon reading that message the pain that I hide inside burst once again , I never expected to read that line("Ikaw gyud mads ha...."). That message wrote by my so called "ex-lover", he wrote that in he's blog before. Actually it's my fault also cause I didn't erase he's blog in my blog roll. Wanna know the reason why? even mads jo ask me that and I told her "I don't want to erase he's blog cause that's the only thing that it reminds me that once in my life I fall in love and be love by the man that I really wanted in my life and it reminds me that once I become stupid but contented"***sigh***.

I though I'll get over with this emotion, but it wasn't I guess I'm just a great pretender after all.. yes I am! A girl who can manage to smile to everyone even she's broken inside...I really hate this feeling I wish I could go to some place that no one knows me...far from this place, a place that I could do everything..hahahy..As much as possible I don't want to post an emo post in my blog, but sorry guys I just can't help it...And I just realized yesterday is 16....it's our monthsary date, know I know why I felt that way yesterday....."I really miss him, if I can turn back time I will...shout up brey...hahay", but I know it's really over for us. I don't want my hope ups in something that will never ought to happened...."I really hate memories specially the happy ones it's make you sad whenever you think about it, cause you know in your heart that it will never happened again...Moving on is the only solution for this thing, I know its hard but I have to.....
Why it so hard to move on?arrgg...

“When two people meet and fall in love, there's a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it's usually too late, we've used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It's hard work, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay.” Tom Robbins