I'm crying over spilled milk!

Changes is one of the constant things that I really hated in this life. I know it really sounds absurd, but I really damn hate it. I know changes is the key to become a better person, a mature one!One thing that I really hate is the fact that when you established your bond toward something or someone, you will wake up one day and you'll be surprise of the certain changes...puff! It's like a slipped of a thunder and then it will suddenly gasp your entire world. This particular scenario makes me cry over spilled milk again, I really hated myself being in this kind of situation. For more than a month and until this day I found my self alone and crying in my room like a kid crying over her ruin toy. I'm not a kid anymore and I know that this pain I've felt inside, can't just be healed by some candies or chocolates. To make it straight it's all about my relationship with this particular person, I don't know if you can called it a relationship or not. All I know is that I love him and for some reason I know that he loves me too. Some people doesn't understand the love that I felt for him, and even my own self can't explain it why or how I felt this way. My status now is in between being a single and being committed, in other word it's complicated. Like what I've post here before I was officially involved in the “long distance relationship”, this was my first relationship ever. Ive never experience having a boyfriend not until now. Before I never felt the distance between us, although physically we don't feel each other but the thought of always talking on-line makes he's presence felt. Then due to the twist of fate, the word “change” knock in our door. We didn't talk that much like what we used to before, the communication crush. These thing torn me into pieces...I really miss him, I miss our long talk, I miss him the way he smile at me, I miss him when he sings at me and I miss him more than the world knows. I know he's quit busy now with he's study, and I understand that, even thought its really hard for me. I hope he knows that I can't stop thinking about him from the moment I go to the bed until I woke up. Some of my friends think that I am stupid, they even laugh at me (sorry friends, but I don't care!). It's like that I'm driving a car and I don't know where it leads to or what path to go through, But I keep my fingers cross and ask God to guide me in this relationship all the way. Honestly I really don't want that this relationship to end and for this I'm still holding on. I still give my best shot knowing I'm slowly dying in pain, if ever this relationship will not going to work-out (I'm knocking on the wood now...lol), at least he experienced how to be loved by a "True Lover".

***To tell you frankly I really don't want to post this, aside from way to personal I'm also afraid to be laugh at and I don't want all of you to think that I'm making my self look pity, but this blog is my on-line diary, my sanctuary whenever I felt I don't belong in the real world.***

P.S. For you:I love you and I hope the little love you've once felt for me before, was still there. I miss you.

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